Sigh… a crush… again? May 24, 2009
Posted by realove in Life, Love, Personal, Thoughts.trackback
when will i learn my lesson. sigh… i’ve only been at this course for a week and on the first day itself, i was attracted to a guy. and the feeling deepened as i knew him better. now i love his face, his body, his voice, and even his smell. he is just perfect for me. haha. except for the fact that he’s engaged to be married soon:S
plus, he treats me as a friend and is totally not interested in me. plus, he’s from a different race and religion. plus, he’s getting married!!!!!! isn’t that enough to stop yourself? i’m even thinking of pursuing him and having a fling with him just for the course. i’m fantasizing about kissing by the beach. and the worst is, even by some ‘miracle’ it happens, i think i would go for it, even though it will ruin his life after that. imagine if he really cheated, it will be just a fling for me, but it would ruin his future coz he cheated on his fiancee. and knowing that, i still automatically want to pursue this.
currently, i’m just trying my best not to see him in that light and to just appreciate our friendship. but damn. i realized a few things that i want to get off my chest.
1. i’m so lonely. i desperately want someone to share my life with.
2. i’m not as virtuous as i thought. i thought i had self-respect and a sense of right enough that i wouldnt do something on purpose when i know it will hurt another human being so badly. especially when i was hurt in the exact same way. but i’m fighting that now. probably nothing will happen. he does not look like the kind of guy to cheat. but the point is on my side, i’m hoping he would. what a bitch. sigh… but i’m working on strengthening my character now. and i’m adamant to.
1. Yes you are. Yes you do. And these things will come in time. When the time is right for you. You’re just not quite ready yet. The rice hasn’t steamed quite long enough to be… perfect.
But it’ll get there.
2. None of us is as virtuous as we think/hope we are. If we were then I wouldn’t be using someone as a crutch for getting over John. The point being that I woulding be ‘using someone.’ I can only hope that this crutch thing develops into love to even out the bad Karma I’ve got to be gathering for doing such a hienous thing. I did get upset at his mother and sister yesterday for treating him badly. And I don’t get upset, but someone was hurting My Angel. I couldn’t have that. So I do feel protective of him and care about him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction. And who knows, maybe he’s engaged to a real controlling bitch and needs to be rescued from her. So you might be doing him a favor. Just wishful thinking, mind you, but it is nice to hope, isn’t it? You’ll get past this one, too. You are a strong woman. You’ll get past this, too, and it will only make you stronger, right? Still sucks that he’s not unattached and interested, though. You’ll find one.
hello babe. Don’t go crazy. I think it’s normal to have a crush on someone who’s attached/engaged/married. I mean, think about it this way, if the guy wasn’t worth something, he’d still be single right?
Well, you should let up a lil on yourself. I mean, you’re not sleeping/flinging with him, so there’s really no deal on this. Breathe. Think. I mean it’s human to harbour thoughts like that. The fact here is you’re not acting on it, you’re just dwelling on it, which still makes you virtuous.
Ok, I’ll be a lil bit evil here and go, even if you act on it, it takes two hands to clap. What makes you think he’ll leave her for you? If he does, what makes you so sure you’ll accept him since he’ll no longer be that perfect (unfaithful)? Even if the two of you get together, is it really that wrong? Above all else, I believe in love. There is no right or wrong.
I’ve given such advice before and I’m not afraid to say again.. Currently, it’s just a crush, but if you’re sure he’s the one and you love him, then go for it. Don’t go with the mentality of a fling, it’s not worth it, you can fling with many other men, but it’s not worth the trauma of flinging with an engaged/married dude, unless you keep it a secret and you can take it.
Anyway, you’re not alone, I’m lonely too! haha. But just take it easy, one step at a time, I guess.
I feel so out of place, not being alone. Even after a death of a significant other.
And grateful. At peace. /gloat
I also like to add that you will crush less with the more relationships you have because you start to become a little bit bitter and start thinking, “You know, after talking to him for 15 minutes, it’s obvious he’s not over his ex yet and that’s just not baggage I’m wanting to commit to.” or even “You know Steven was so much better looking than this guy and kept in better shape and I was with him for like 9 months. I can so do better than this guy.” A little cruel there at the last but none-the-less truthful. As you age, the amount of bullshit you put up with goes down, the amount of stuff that bothers you goes down, your standards go up, and with the increased number and quality of relationships you have; you get to love yourself more.
You’re obviously very bright and driven. Again, I say, expand the places you come in contact with men. If you really want to focus on finding a relationship then you have to get out there. Or pay a professional match-making service. Use e-Harmony for god’s sake. Just answer all the tests they throw at you, which will have to be done in short bursts over a few days, and see what it comes up with in your area. The worst you could do is waste a few hours and the possiblity of a potential good long term relationship is the golden prize at the end.
hey j-man! you’re EVIL. but it’s ok, we’re single happy girls ok, realove! haha.
well. i have a prejudice, but i must say, seriously, in our part of the world, (i’m pretty sure i know which country realove is from and i’m her neighbour) matchmaking sites don’t really cut it. at least i’ve not heard of any that do. men on the sites are generally pretty despo or weird or have problems assimilating in the society. so guessing from her character, i don’t think she’ll want a guy from there. she’ll be better off answering facebook msgs from playboys. haha. but then again that is an assumption on my part, and as you know assumptions make an ass out of you and me. lol.
both of u guys are right. thank God for anonymous frens:D i had an enlightening while reading yr opinions. i realized that i’ve just been whining and whining and WHINING about my lack of lovelife. but i’ve ‘played it safe’ by just choosing from my colleagues and workmates. i’ve never once gone out of my way to meet other kinds of guys. so u can imagine how small my pool of fish is:P i’m gonna do something about it instead of whining.
yup, rynestar’s right. i’m your neighbour:P and the thing with that guy, its a crush. its totally not love. i dont even know him. i’m just so attracted him physically and with whatever shallow knowledge i haf of him:P so i’m not gonna go for it. because i refuse to be that kind of girl:)
ok. word of advice. be careful of the bankers, traders. unless you’re thinking of one night stands. haha.
actually to be honest, pubbing, clubbing helps a lot. not in the sense that you meet more men, you do, but in the sense that it’s like a classroom.
i think i’m shy when it comes to networking, making small talk with strangers. but you know, after pubbing and clubbing a bit, it’s easier now. just that i still prefer to talk a wee bit and close off. but i think it helps build the small talk skill and presentation..
Ms. Rynestar is completely right. It does help build your small talk skills and presentation. Practicing in the mirror seems silly but it helps, too. It helps you listen to what you’re saying before you go out and say it to someone and can’t take it back. Makes you less desperate sounding if you say it outloud to a mirror and go, “Wow… is that how I really come off? I should talk about ‘x’ instead.”
And make the point of the practice of bars and clubs just that… practice. Don’t make your goal to go out and find a man on the first night. Make your goal to work on your interpersonal communication skills in a social setting. Talking to someone who you’re not attracted to at first builds up your ability to talk with someone without the intimidation of building a relationship with someone beyond just a practice session. Just scout out a guy who looks scared, apprehensive, or something like that… you know, someone that’s just as scared as you are. It helps give you something in common to start off with.
Here in the States, we don’t have the social pubs like other parts of the world have. We have bars. Drinks and standing room only with a few booths along the wall that are always taken by big groups of friends who are always coming to that bar as ‘their place.’ So it’s mostly a person standing around drinking with guys trying to hit on you. Which can be flattering, until you get the guy who thinks he’s going to get you by being persistant. You know, the one who comes off smelling of desperation and cheap cologne.
And clubs are just noisy and not condusive to talking. If you go to a club here then you’re there to dance, drink, and possibly find someone you want to take home for sloppy drunk sex. But I’m bitter about that kind of thing. Maybe it’s different in your part of the world, where ever that happens to be. Socital Norms are Culture dependant so it may be different where you’re from.
But it is definately a good idea to step out of that comfort zone. Take a ‘wingman/wingwoman’ with you if you don’t want to go alone. You know a person who will get you away from the creepy guy by pulling you away from said creepy guy and saying, “Let’s go,” and keep you from getting drunk and going home with someone by saying much the same thing. Someone to watch your back so you don’t get in a situation where you feel trapped.
But I have a hard time believing that whichever country you live in that there are no match making services. I think every culture has that. Even if you just send Grandma out on a man-hunt.
And she checks with all her friends to see if they have a grandson of an appropriate age and screens them for you. I’ve had some very nice blind dates. It’s how I met First John, Second John and Ryan. My most successful relationships have been blind date-type or matchmaking situations.
i’m not going for matchmaking sessions… it just makes me feel v uncomfortable and desperate:)
i’m also not going to clubs / pubs to meet guys. its dirty, smelly, full of smoke and noisy. not my kind of scene.
hehe, bout small talk, i have no problem with that at all. its what i do all the time, everyday. i can talk to strangers for hours. all you have to do is ask questions:) my problem is in building a lasting relationship coz after awhile i get bored:P