Living Life Bravely

man, i just need to debrief myself by typing bout this. i just came back fr another town and on the way, i ran a redlight and was stopped by a police roadblock. the fucking guy was there, asking me inane questions about where i lived etc, and kept saying this is a $300 offence. nothing less. $300. actually he was waiting for me to offer him a $30 bribe. fuck. and i just sat there, refusing to understand. but he kept stalling. and in the end i gave up and told him, can you please hurry up and write the ticket i’m late for work. of course the obvious question he asked is where do u work? and i said in the hospital. as a nurse? no a doctor. and he looked at me in shock. he said u sure? dont bluff. doctors dont drive cars like this. fuck! what do u care wat car i drive? i just need a moving scrap of metal to move me around. i said if u dont believe u can call the hospital. he asked for a pass. which i stupidly dont haf with me. i haf to remember to bring my pass with me next time evrytime i go out. i repeated just write me the ticket. does it matter what i work as? then he said are you sure u work at the hospital? i said call the hospital if u dont believe me. and maybe it was my damn seriously irritated face (i couldnt help it) or maybe its coz if i wanted to tell a lie i wouldnt go so far to claim i’m a doctor:P but i think he got abit worried about hinting for a bribe and he let me go. i said thank you and drove off. but shit. i drove home in a daze. i dont know how i managed to get home coz i didnt even see where i was going. i dont know. it just disturbed me. fuck. that was a big stressful event. for some reason. i mean i got off didn’t i? so why am i so dazed about it? it was just a roadblock. no biggie. even if he gave me a ticket, then? fuck. i know i’m rambling. i just need to get it out my system or else i’ll get nightmares tonight. i’ll probably get nightmares anyway. damn. and he asked me if i was married. i said no. his parting words was becareful on the road. you have a beautiful face, would be a waste if u had an accident. it sounded so threatening! :S i could haf handled it so much differently and better. i could haf put on a smile and sweetly said i’m from the hospital, i’m in a hurry, would you let me go? but no, i put on my cold angry face. fuck. i wasnt angry at him. i was angry at myself for running the redlight:( and the fact that i had to fork out $300 for just one second late to cross. i am actually maximally surprised that he let me go. even though i refused to bribe him and was so cold and towards him. fuck. Thank God. no thanks to me. fuck. i’m in shock. but feeling better now after writing my out my shock in print. sucks. fuck fuck fuck. its over rite. its over.

hehe. i dont haf SLE:) its a huge relief:) i still get rashes and flushes especially after oncalls but as long as i know its not SLE, i feel much better and more optimistic in trying to solve it:) sorry dat i made u guys worry. i’ve just been v v buzy. i’ve been doing calls every other day and studying. i’m so tired that i’ve been having headaches for the past 2 days. i’ll probably haf an early night tonight… my boss has tried to bully and intimidate me on more than one occasion. but i’m not interested to go into that now. surfice to say: bitch. otherwise, life’s the same, going at lightning speed. i’ll write when i’m less tired. for now, i can only think of sleep. going into work after this for night clinic duty. sigh…  they dont pay me enough.