Working hard on not working hard March 30, 2009
Posted by realove in Feelings, Life, Personal, Thoughts.7 comments
that’s what i’m doing. haha. i’ve been trying this past week on not to stress myself out, not to react to stressors like how i automatically used to do. how to live a more relaxed lifestyle… maybe this ’scare’ (hopefully its just a scare) is a blessing in disguise. because i’ve been driving myself way too hard and living a totally wrong way. now, my life depends on how i live. and phew, that’s scary.
btw, i’ve more or less gotten over that last guy. i knew i would. i just didnt like the ‘mourning’ and disappointing period:P anyway, that’s over and done with:) i shouldn’t be let around guys. i’m dangerous. to myself. i’m gonna just stay in my small town and focus on myself now.
i went massive shopping that day, and brought a fridge full of fruits and vegs home. haha. this will definitely give me the motivation to be healthy:) i’ve still not bought my bicycle though.
the part that i cant really do anything about is the fact that everytime i go on-call at the hospital (which actually mean working throughout the day, then the night, then the day again in my stupid country) i get facial flushing and swollen lips, sometimes even burning rash the next day. its a sign that i was stressed out, didn’t sleep and depleted. but how can i do anything about that? even if i try my best not to be stressed during the call, there’s still the not sleeping throughout the night issue that there’s no running away from:(
sigh… anyway since the last oncall on sunday which was the worst so far, i’ve a bilateral cheek redness and have fallen sick. haha. i’m in the wrong field for somebody whose body is basically ‘useless’ to stress.
j-man and rynestar, thank you for your support:) i really appreciate it. its ironic that the people who know almost everything dark and sad about me are ‘internet grannies’ :D the results are not out yet. i’ll let you know:)
Too down to blog March 24, 2009
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts.4 comments
hi guys:) thanks for realizing i was missing. haha. i guess this past week i was too depressed to do any blogging. alot happened in the past week. in 2 very important aspects of my life. my love life (none of note) and my health. it started when i went to the course i was talking about. i was so excited about the course but from the first day itself, i developed a facial malar rash. this is de second time in 2 months. at the same time, i met a guy whom i was very interested in. but surprises, he is still hung up over his ex.
when i reached back to my home, i was still v hopeful about him. and for the past 1 week, have been checking my facebook and handphone multiple times a day in the hopes that he will message. obviously, it was all in vain.
also, the malar rash has worried me alot. coupled with multiple other symptoms, worsening gastritis starting 5 yrs ago, lethargy, muscle aches and mood swings, palpitations, worsening allergies, and more recently, swollen, peeling lips and the surrounding skin. i had put down all those symptoms to extreme stress until the rash happened the 2nd time. please pray for me that i dont haf SLE. i keep thinking, why me? its bad enough that i have no one beside me and keep experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak. but to give me SLE too… that’s just… sad….
i took blood tests for SLE yesterday and am trying to totally overhaul my lifestyle, diet, and stress levels. all while trying to forget this guy whom i’ve not forgotten yet. therefore, was too down to write. Pray for me, please for the SLE
God dont let me have an auto-immune disease.
Positive elephant March 11, 2009
Posted by realove in Life, Me, Personal, Thoughts.5 comments
I did some thinking and this is what i came up with:
What this teaches you:
1. Strength of character – if you can get through her, you can get through any boss
2. Motivation for MRCP
3. Handling your fears:
- Worst case – restart career
– preventive med
- paycut – serve you right
4. Motivation to be good at your job
What you can do:
1. Be good at your job
2. Refuse to talk about her
3. Refuse to think about her
4. Refuse to let her affect you
IT’S NOT WORTH LIVING IN FEAR
Work stress March 10, 2009
Posted by realove in 1156.3 comments
feel so stress. like a time bomb is gonna explode. my boss has something against me and i dont blame her. she probably heard about all the colourful words i used against her the last time. she has started digging for my mistakes. and its a matter of time that she finds my mistake:( its inevitable to make mistakes, especially this early in my career. and if she goes digging and finds things and makes a big deal out of it, i’m dead. she could destroy my future. feel sad and stress and terrified of making mistakes:( i just want to run away and start somewhere else afresh. but i dont think that can happen:( i cant even enjoy the job i love because she makes her presence felt throughout the hospital. she wants a say in every single thing, even the smallest detail:(
Rynestar! March 5, 2009
Posted by realove in Life, Personal, Thoughts.1 comment so far
this post is dedicated to a star. hehe.
how r u? i was worried coz din hear from u for such a long time. but i din know how to contact u. i dont even know where’s your blog. any chance u can give the add to me?:D
hope u were in good physical, mental and emotional health:)
