Spilling my pathetic guts November 29, 2008
Posted by realove in Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Thoughts.trackback
yes i am alone. and megaly sad and depressed. and i cant sleep. and i have nobody to tell my sorrows to. nobody at all. there are a few people i can force to hear my sorry tale but i’m not a charity case. so here i am again. spilling my guts out to the anonymous cyberspace.
feel very sad. i hope and wait for a miracle every day. the miracle being that a nice guy who loves me whom i can love will suddenly just turn up and from then on, life would be rosy and glowy and everything nice.
actually i know that relationships are up and down, and often being single is better than being in a relationship. but i’ve been alone since forever. even with my ex it was a long distance thing most of the time i was alone. and i’m just so fucking sick of being alone.
i’m desperately sad. and i think its showing in the aura i give out. i mean of course i dont show my long face everyday but i think it can be felt in the air. and its just a vicious cycle isnt it.
and the worst part is that i’m going off to a small town in 2 months. where there will be even less, maybe nil eligible guys. then my chances of being with somebody will be reduced to zero. and when i leave after 2 yrs, i would be 28. and old old maid.
actually, i kinda guess that i’m not ready to be in a relationship. coz i’m unstable emotionally, i’m not sure what i want, i’m scared, and i dont even know who i am. i guess that’s the reason i’m not in a relationship. and even if i was, i would probably wreck it. actually i know i’m gonna wreck it. i just want to try anyway. but going off to that small town would give me more time to find myself.
so i guess, the conclusion is to accept the fact that i’m gonna be alone for quite some time more, and i should take this chance to find myself, know myself, live my life the way i want to. and when i’m ready, and stable and a whole person, hopefully, i will find someone to share my life with.
u know, this blog is my ’saviour’. without it to pour my heart out to about anything and everything, i would have ended up a psychiatric case by now=)
hugs.