scratching like a dog September 30, 2008
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Sadness, Thoughts.add a comment
again i find myself scratching my head thruout de nite in bed… i dont understand… i’m fine thruout the day, no hint of itchiness at all, but at night when sleeping, i scratch and scratch. and its disturbing my sleep so much. and it makes me realize how can i be with someone. this is a secret part of me, separate from the image i present to the public. the part that scratches like a dog, scratch like i have lice, scratch til my scalp is injured. i really dono wat to do. i tot i had lice, i even used anti-lice, din help at all. isit some kind of disease. and it spreads. it starts with the scalp, then as i scratch and scratch, it will spread to my neck, my face sometimes, behind my ears, my armpits, elbow creases, vulva… am i having some fungal infection? i dono man. sucks. i want to do something, but i dont even know what to do. i’m disgusting.
bitches..karma i tell u September 30, 2008
Posted by realove in Feelings, Hatred, Life, Me, Personal, Thoughts.add a comment
hate their guts. hate I nurses. hate hate hate. hate all I ppl. y must all of them have attitude problems? yes i admit i was wrong, but u dont have to show me my mistake by purposely getting me into trouble. that is so so fucking bitchy. karma karma! u will get wat u deserve u lazy bitches. cant even get yr own cbs monitor. ask me to do things like its yr right, then wait for me to goof up so that u can tell on me. wat is with I ppl anyway? i didnt use to be racist until i started work. fuck it. when i see that i have to work with I ppl, i know theres gonna be problems unless i’m willing to bow down and lick shit of their fucking shoes. yeah right. nomatter how high they climb they are just fucking nurses. and i will remember them. yes, get me into trouble today. what will happen tomorrow to u? dont cry foul when somebody else tells on u on purpose rite? coz its just wat u haf coming to u. yes, im in no position to do anything to u now, and by the time i AM in the position, i would have forgotten bout yr insignificant selfs but i hope u get yr just rewards for being such bitches. i know this wont matter in a few days time coz u’re too insignificant but right now, i hate yr guts.
Disappointment Disappointment September 22, 2008
Posted by realove in Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Thoughts.add a comment
aarrgghh so disappointed!!:’( i waited 2 days for a msg n in de end decided to msg him. n he din reply. the least he cud do was reply! it was just an innocent msg. wats wrong with me dat even a short ugly guy isnt interested? i really dono. i seem to b only attracting married men. wat isit about me dat doesnt pull single men but pulls married men? i know i shud take de hint n forget him totally now… but still… cant help feeling disappointed=(
After D day September 22, 2008
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Thoughts.add a comment
nothing has changed. i’m still alone. i’m horribly sick. taking care of myself. feel miserable wen i lie on the bed and think that there is not even 1 person other than my family who was concerned that i’m sick. on the other hand, at least i haf a wonderful family’s who cares. this just makes me realize even more that there is no one except God and myself to take care of me. so i must b strong. i AM strong actually. proud of where i stand now as a person.
i cant say i’m not disappointed that he isnt interested. of course i am. damn disappointed. but i’m not surprised. abit worried that he might tell his sisters (who work in the same workplace!) and they would laugh about it=( but this also makes me want to improve myself more so that i have nothing to be embarassed about. u know, the kind of image where ppl look at u and think oh its not that nobody wants u, its that u choose to be single. hehe. dreams dreams. but i AM improving actually. my latest hairstyle has added even more zing to my image. and hopefully one day, i will meet a guy who doesnt have an ego problem or who is more successful than me, so ego is not a problem=)
oh just need to add something so irritating about him. he’s a wonderful guy, loyal, honest, sincere… but as with many guys, especially short guys, he has a mega ego problem. can u imagine he is embarassed to be seen with me in the workplace coz i’m his senior?! he doesnt want ppl to think that he’s going after a senior. btw we’re the same age, its just that i joined 1 yr earlier than him. man, fucking useless bastard. hahaha… guys and their egos will be the death of me yet.
I told him September 21, 2008
Posted by realove in Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Thoughts.add a comment
haha… i told him dat i haf fallen for him. i’m glad i did. he didnt react the way i feared. i was scared he would flinch and say, no we’re just frens. u r like a sister to me and all that bullshit. he asked me how i want him to react. i told him i not asking him to react at all. i just want to tell him coz its giving me alot of stress keeping it inside. anyway i’ve told him. and we’re still frens. i dont really expect anything to come out of it. i’m hoping something will of course. but i dont think it will. but the bottomline is i didnt just let this slip by. i told him. the ball is in his court now. whatever happens, i will haf no regrets. if he starts to be closer to me, that would be wonderful. but if he starts to avoid or act like nothing happened, then that’s his choice. its not something i can control or want to control. and there is nothing to push. its just not my problem anymore. and no matter what happens, i am happy.
