Living Life Bravely

i just feel so sad deep inside. so sad in my whole heart. i just feel so bad. i have nothing to feel bad for. i have a wonderful family. wonderful job and career. wonderful frens if i care to be closer. i have youth. i have money. the only thing i dont have is God and Partner. but i think these 2 are the 2 things that will make me the happiest, other than family i would give up everything else.why is everyone together? why is everyone part of a couple? why does everybody have somebody except me? God, i not asking for much. just a decent guy with a decent job. he doesnt have to be handsome, or charming or romantic. i just asking for somebody to love me, be loved by me. to take care of me and to be taken care of by me. and to stay true to me, just as i stay true to him. somebody to grow old with, somebody to spend my life with and at the end of life say, thank you for sharing yr soul with me. i only have one life and i see it trickling away every day. i have so much love to give. so much things i want to do with that special someone. i want to cook for him. i want to go on holidays with him. i want to just spend time lying on the grass with him. i want to cuddle him at nite as we both sleep after a hard days work. i want to give him a massage and bring him his favourite drink after he comes back fr work exhausted. i want to surprise him with sexy outfits when he least expects it. i want a baby. i want a family. i want to belong to somebody and for somebody to belong to me solely.

God. God is another issue. i dont even want to go there because it scares me no end that there is no God. coz then there would be no point. but i cant even feel u god. i cant feel u at all. and i cant imagine yr existence. i cant imagine life after death. it sounds stupid. but i want so much to believe in you god. pls dont forsake me. pls let me come back to u god. pls let me know u;re there coz i’m so so lonely and scared.