Living Life Bravely

i went to church yesterday. i felt so old and dirty and sinful and black and ugly. and i went to church with a throbbing headache. it was a mid-day mass and there were only about 30 ppl in church. i reached early and was praying for some kind of heavenly help. i just felt so alone and miserable and helpless. no obvious physical help that i could see came but as mass progressed i felt more relaxed… when it was time for the holy communion, i was happy. i wanted to feel God inside me in some physical way because i couldn’t feel God at all. as i ate the body and drank the blood, i felt brighter already… my headache receded… my vision brightened…

all temporary of course, but it felt good. i felt more at peace. i still didn’t feel God, not in a sense that i can understand, but i was definitely calmer…