One Phone Call January 10, 2008
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Thoughts.add a comment
i only got 1 phone call today. i saw the name and i was pleasantly surprised. a guy called. i thought, wow …. asking me for drinks at 10? and i greeted him cheerfully. and he asked for another girl’s number from me. hahahaa. sadly laughing at my pathetic life. Will i always be alone?
an improvement January 9, 2008
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts.add a comment
hahaha…today i was cheerful and happy=) a senior colleague noticed me=) and i noticed him=) and i’m letting my imagination run wild and planning for the future. hahahaa… no harm in just fantasizing rite? most prob nothing will come out of it but since imagining us together makes me happy now… what’s the harm?=) anyway, the improvement is, another senior colleague noticed me and i noticed he noticed. but i wasn’t interested. hahahaa. the improvement is … since breaking up, i’ve been desperately weighing every guy as a potential partner and thinking EVERY guy is not that bad. i was even considering being with a married man! but today, i noticed someone noticing, and i wasn’t interested. hahahaa. rubbish rite? im a rubbish girl. but i want to be myself. and i’m happy i’m being myself=) i’ll be with someone if its God’s will. if its not… no matter how hard i try or how desperate i am, i will still be alone won’t i? live and let live. carpe diem=)
Ugly Me January 8, 2008
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Self-improvement, Thoughts.1 comment so far
feeling especially ugly today.. having a pimple outbreak. basically feeling unwanted and unpopular and ugly. today a senior colleague came to my workplace. there were 3 of us girls sitting there. he specifically talked to the other 2 girls and asked them questions about where they were from and what they studied.. but he never asked me a single question=( felt left out and ugly… sometimes i feel i’m not that bad looking.. but maybe its just my imagination. maybe i’m not good looking at all and would never attract a guy. up to now it has never been a problem since i was attached since i’m 18 so i can overlook it. now that i have to ‘compete’ in the singles competition, i don’t think i would be able to at all. i think for guys looking, i would be one of the last choices.. i don’t want to be a last choice for anyone. i think i have a naturally sad face.. i wish i had nice big bright eyes and flawless skin and a nice smile but i don’t =( i know i’m a nice person but it doesnt’ seem to matter much. nobody knows i have a nice heart anyway coz only the patients i attend to realize it. i want to be smiley and cheery and sociable! i just dono how to do it. i WAS smiley and cheery and sociable but the last 5 yrs of the long distance relationship stress with him has caused me to have a perpetual sad face coz i cried so often and i withdrew into a shell. now i don’t remember how to be the old carefree innocent me anymore.
I’m so desperate=( January 7, 2008
Posted by realove in Fears, Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Sadness, Self-improvement, Thoughts.3 comments
so sick of being alone..i just want to share my life with someone. so long already i’ve been alone. even when with him, i was alone most of the time coz of the long distance relationship. now i’m 25. i dont want to waste anytime anymore. i want to share my bed with someone. i want someone to touch me. i want someone to hold me. i want someone to want me. i want to show off my body to someone before i become old and wrinkled=( i’m so fucking desperate it depresses me so much=(
blew it today. met a guy when out for dinner with friends and i was so totally not myself because i was trying to be girlish and ladylike like the girls around me=( blew it like nobodies business. hate this me. i decide that i will only be myself. i dont want to be somebody i’m not just to attract someone. no use. even though i attract him with that fake personality i wont be able to keep him. sigh.. desperate shit.
NEW YEAR NEW LIFE January 1, 2008
Posted by realove in Feelings, Life, Love, Me, Personal, Self-improvement, Thoughts.add a comment
happy new year to me. happy new life=) i cleanse myself of evrything physical about him. mentally and emotionally he will also be out of my mind and heart. i will not be afraid of ending up alone. i will not be afraid of being alone. only when i can stand alone b strong alone, then i can know myself, i can be myself. when the time is right, i will find the right person to be with. now is not the time to be involved with another person. i am not ready. i will wreck it before it even starts. so cheers! here’s to me and my new life!
New Life Resolutions:
1. Keep fit with exercise 3 times a week and yoga every night.
2. Keep beautiful with regular care and good dressing.
3. Keep MRCP by studying at least abit every night.
4. Keep God with 10min prayer time every night before sleep.
5. Keep work with good character and responsibility towards patients.
